I’ve got to be honest with you, I didn’t know if my little company would make it through this “once in a century” pandemic. The other piece of honesty is that I would rarely let myself have that fear. I think it’s how I’m wired (don’t think too much about it, but keep moving forward somehow). So, I did that, along with millions of small companies out there in the world. It was hard to move forward though, I felt like I was going in circles…in my cave…looking out the front opening wondering when I could get out there again.
My business, where I am a supplier of specialty manufactured products, is highly dependent on having a client on one end and a manufacturer on the other. What holds us all together are contracts, and a desire to work together. So, if something happened to any link in the chain (me, being in the middle), could have meant financial jeopardy for all of us. Writing this now, the weight of that situation feels heavy. I’m not a big believer in “doom and gloom” when it comes to my work, however. There are always little places in the process to infuse optimism. Such as, posting pics of projects nearing completion (even if they were from before the “shut down”) and thanking my customers and manufacturers for work well done.
Like many companies out there, my project pipeline was constrained. I had some large projects that went “on hold”, but found some opportunities for smaller work that kept the lights on. Manufacturers really felt the squeeze since their labor force was precarious. One day, manufacturing is operating at full speed and the next, there was a breakout of “CoVid” in the plant and everything would be shut down. On jobsites, new safety parameters were engaged for the safety of everyone in and out of work sites.
I didn’t step on a jobsite for months, and that felt weird and wrong. I always show up when product is delivered for many reasons: to see if it’s correct, if the customer is satisfied and for risk aversion (it’s an opportunity to address any misunderstandings or problems in the project process), and lastly, I feel it’s the right thing to do. It shows my commitment to this project and my customer. So, not showing up on a few sites was it’s own risk, but one I felt I had to take because I work for myself. If I got sick, my part of the process could not be done. As soon as it was reasonably safe (with all safety protocols in mind), I got back out there.
Fast forward to getting a vaccination: As soon as the vaccine was in my arm, I began to feel the anxiety I have been denying surface and leave my body. I had been holding my breath for over a year, but now I could take that breath and settle into what happened over the last year. 2020 is gone and we are nearly half way through 2021 already. Some things I’ve learned: I feel this past year unveiled some good along with the bad. The world was upside down with how we were separated from one another and we were trying to not get sick. People were on opposite sides of issues. I kept my head down through some of it and then lifted it up for issues that were close to my heart. The Universe took care of me through this time. I didn’t need to reach for PPP, but was happy it was there if I did. I started supporting small businesses where I could and was also grateful I could order most anything I needed. I really missed people (friends, family and customers). I missed the relational aspect of what I do.
Coming out of the CoVid cave, I will work smarter, be more embodied in what I do and let others see me for who I am. What’s the point of putting your name on your company if you don’t let others truly see you? So, this year I aspire to stand more in the light so you can get to know me. I also work harder for people I care about, so I’m looking forward to getting to know YOU better. I feel blessed that I can look forward to seeing you someday very soon. I am mindful that I have this opportunity to live and work when others don’t. We will deal with the other problems that come from a time of shut down and restart. Once you come out of the cave, keep walking.